Wednesday, March 3, 2010

It Came Back to Bite Me!

Ok, so I started this whole blog thing to help women take care of themselves right? Well, God has led me through a situation to give me yet one more testimony to share to hopefully encourage others. He could just speak to me and give me a story to tell without having to live it, I guess it wouldn't be as believable though, right?

So back in the fall, work at the salon was slow, it always is that time of year. I was offered the assistant manager position at Fashion Bug and it seemed to make perfect sense. I love my work, wanted to make more money, seemed like a no-brainer. Boy was I in for a surprise. Let me say first that I still do love working for Fashion Bug, I work with amazing women. We are fortunate to not have the whole "drama" thing that usually goes on when you get a bunch of women in one place for any length of time. The position however, was much more stressful than what I thought, mostly, I feel because of my personality type. I was also trying to stay in the salon at least one day a week, which wasn't leaving much opportunity for a day off. After a couple of months, I do feel like I really had the hang of things with my new position, but I realized that it just wasn't fitting in with the rest of my life. Trying to take care and spend time with my family, being involved in church activities, and working at the job that I really enjoy which was the salon.
I was faced with a very difficult decision, that really didn't need to be. I felt like I was failing my family to give up steady reliable income, not to mention the health insurance I would be able to provide for us. But in exchange for that I was miserable. I had periods of my ears ringing, and chest tightening, which I have figured out was anxiety. I wasn't sleeping well. The moment I woke up in the morning, I would feel my chest get tight, breathing was hard. However, giving up the position would seem like failure, or at least make me a "quitter" and my pride wasn't ok with that.
I realized that the only time I was not feeling completely stressed out was when I was at the salon. Especially while giving a facial or pedicure, the more "pampering"services, which is what I love the most. But once again, as a mother, I was riddled with the quilt of feeling like I was making a decision that was risky for my family. I soon realized that I needed to do what I had been saying here for a long time.....I had to take care of myself, I had to make decisions that were right for me. No amount of money was worth being exhausted, stressed out, and missing my family. Last Thursday I finally broke down and told my manager that I didn't think the position was for me. She was so sweet and completely understood. She even asked if there was something she could do to make my job less stressful. Once again, I realized it wasn't the job that was stressful, it was just that it wasn't fitting in with my life, and that was causing me stress.
I hadn't even blogged because I was in such a funk, I couldn't enjoy anything. How was I supposed to encourage others when I was about to lose it myself?!?! So, I said all that to say this. Our health and well-being and peace of mind are not replaceable. What seems to be the right decision sometimes isn't. I was working against what God designed me for, it was never going to work. I am very thankful to have been given the opportunity to learn more about myself. I don't look at this anymore as failing or quitting, I just learned of another thing that isn't for me.
I am stepping out on faith, believing God will provide, and if I keep listening and following His lead He will guide me to great success, a success not necessarily measured monetarily!
Have a great day. It's good to be back.